is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
