Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She even gives head with a lisp.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
