my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
