Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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