I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
