it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
