I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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