So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
