i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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