I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
