I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
