I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
