I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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