I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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