Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The beer is more important than you right now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
