I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
3pm strippers are depressing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
