Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
