the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
