420 ftw
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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