There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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