Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
