I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
