He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
