im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
