Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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