Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
