Ambien. No doubt about it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
