They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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