I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I fill condoms, not promises.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
