You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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