did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
