It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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