none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
