I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
they need to just BURY HIM!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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