Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
