i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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