speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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