i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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