well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
