Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
