It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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