Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
