Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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