so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
