i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
