i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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