his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
