That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
