Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
