I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
