so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
