He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't notice because vodka
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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