It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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