Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
