That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
