I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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