Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
