I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I could have mohawked her pubes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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