i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
