My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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