That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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